didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
