I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
