I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
