um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
