Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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