You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
