Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
