pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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