My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I just want nice things and good sex
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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