Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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