This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
