About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
