Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
