Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
