i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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