MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
