So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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