and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
