I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
