It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
