your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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