You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
