Are we in a gay sports bar?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
