I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
