: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
she woke up with a sticky ear
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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