It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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