They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
