tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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