We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
