You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
