Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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