Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
