bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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