Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
