I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
