i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
