Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
