im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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