why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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