I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
