Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You made out with two different species that night
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
