K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
