Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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