Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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