Your face is a jimmy john
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
