even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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