Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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