I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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