She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Michael Bay diarrhea
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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