Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Found the puke drawer
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
