mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
