she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
