OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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