Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
