I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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