Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
